I've finally found the courage to take some photos of myself and upload them to the blog....who sees, dies!
At your own risk
Friday, March 9, 2007
Monday, February 5, 2007
Of Dogs,Cats & Docs
In fact make that medicenes.....dog docs are a separate issue....mine's laughs at mine, the neighbour's has sworn to murder theirs (bit him in the arse....twice!)
Found this on the Internet and am absolutely certain it should grace my blog! Makes me realize I am not alone in loving dogs knowing it takes just this mucho to medicate them.....cats are yeeiiiiiiiiiiiikes!! funny only in this 'Idiot's step by step guide to getting murdered by your own pet cat'....and funny because it ain't me!!!
Medicating Pet Cats and Dogs
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the stinkin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect demon cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
************ STOP THE WORLD... I WANNA GET OFF!!!******************
Found this on the Internet and am absolutely certain it should grace my blog! Makes me realize I am not alone in loving dogs knowing it takes just this mucho to medicate them.....cats are yeeiiiiiiiiiiiikes!! funny only in this 'Idiot's step by step guide to getting murdered by your own pet cat'....and funny because it ain't me!!!
Medicating Pet Cats and Dogs
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the stinkin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect demon cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
************ STOP THE WORLD... I WANNA GET OFF!!!******************
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Moi, Superfrau!
Finally I have the answer to the question "Who Am I?" Greeks broke down into epsilons and Pi-s,other non-G philos did the same but I am the one who 'knows' it - I am Supergirl!Hurrrrrrraaah! Now I can beat the bad guys with just one slightly raised eyebrow(that's because other than having the Supergirl strain in me I also have the British strain!!), I can make them scrunch their panties into a bunch with my 'Super Panty Scruncher', I can make Charles Carllini sink into his poopy-pot with one mild thrust of my Super Finger (eeeoooo! not there!!! that hurts!!!!) I can even look through my fat neighbor with my Super See-Through Vaporizing Vision ( but I could do that even without my superpowers on a bleak Jan Sunday!) and I can maybe somehow decimate the world's politicians with my Extra-Super-Special Power of Clear Logic (I shall do so by first confounding them with my Super Reason and then when they get into the mighty 'confounded' state I shall push them over the dais with my pinky!!)
If you don't believe I can do all of that....check out my Superhero quiz scores!!!!
....It's a bird, it's a plane! No, It's Supergirl!!!
If you don't believe I can do all of that....check out my Superhero quiz scores!!!!
....It's a bird, it's a plane! No, It's Supergirl!!!
Your results:
You are Supergirl
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
You are Supergirl
| Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.  |
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
Friday, January 19, 2007
Dirty Dancing?
Dance is something people have experimented with since times immemorial. Tribal dances, war dances, dancing for victory, dancing for a birth, dancing in death, celebrating life…you name the occasion and some race, some group of people on the earth will have a dance to commemorate it. Dancing for me is man’s quest to finding oneness, an alignment with the universe. It starts with the rhythm, a beat, a reverberation at regular intervals and ends with a conscious effort to align body movement with it. Dance is spiritual, whatever kind of dance you talk about. It comes out of the urge to create a unity, with the resonance of the universe.
Dreams Of The Blind
Myriad thoughts
Unspoken softness
Reams and reams
Of wilderness
Strange warmth
Yellow
Unfathomed depth
Giddy, mellow
Bursting anger
Red and green
Monsters
Not unseen
Dreams
Of the blind
To places
Un - been
Unspoken softness
Reams and reams
Of wilderness
Strange warmth
Yellow
Unfathomed depth
Giddy, mellow
Bursting anger
Red and green
Monsters
Not unseen
Dreams
Of the blind
To places
Un - been
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Tigers, anyone?
Just back from our yearly vacation.This time it was Dudhwa Tiger Reserve in UP....cold, bleak and tiger-less.....at least none showed up. But going to national parks and reserves is a great experience and the place is B-E-A-Utiful!!! pix a little later....took an elephant safari, got chased by a wild, loony elephant who as the handlers told us later, more after us than the girl elphant we were riding...close shave! Spotted several deers, a python (chilling out after a really large meal!), jungle cats, wild fowl and a Rhino..who seemed to be smirking at us.....more later
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